I’ve been a slow learner when it comes to guys and how they operate. But, after 23 years of living in an all-male household, I’m starting to catch on. It’s actually pretty simple. Whether the guy in your life is s a four-year-old boy or a seventy-year-old man, these are 10 basic tenants that might sum up how he thinks:

1. Everything is a competition.

2. I don’t want directions. For anything. Ever.

3. My bowel movements constitute necessary conversation.

4. If I feel a deep emotion that I want to verbalize, I’ll buy an anniversary or Mother’s Day card.

5. Vegetables are optional. Meat is necessary.

6. “Wow, you’re amazing!” is the correct response to anything I am doing or attempting to do.

7. If there’s no element of danger, it won’t be any fun.

8. Anything can be turned into a weapon. A weapon for competition is even better.

9. I can only hear and process one thing at a time, and generally it’s the technology right in front of me.

10. I usually don’t have an answer to the question: “What are you thinking about?”

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