Thirteen things I’m sure about mothering now that my kids are grown
I’m recognizing a lot about mothering now that my kids are grown.
I’m past the mommy-blog stage, completely wowed by the mommy influencers and mom hacks covering social media. There is so much great information out there, and there is so much misleading information. The deluge of parenting advice must be confusing and overwhelming for young parents.
But I am more sure of several mothering truths now that my kids are grown.
Here are thirteen things I’m sure about mothering now that my kids are grown.
- I am apparently never going to stop worrying about them.
- I love them more all the time. I will never see them enough. I will always want more time with them. (So maximize the time you get.)
- Parent the heart first, rather than the behavior. This is critical with little kids because it creates children who are authentic and honest with feelings and actions. Parenting actions only produces kids and adults who live two lives–one for performance and one they keep hidden (dangerous). I want my kids to be good inside; everything flows from the heart. Focus on the majors, not the minors. This seed will flourish into a harvest when kids are teens and adults, and you can’t control their behavior any more with threats, punishment, excuses, or bribes. Keep pointing your kids to Jesus, even when they are adults.
- With adult kids, I will have more influence by saying less and listening better. This is always true, but more true the older children and parents get.
- Children and grandchildren bring unmatched joy. They are worth stopping the world for. Their perspectives and attention is way more important than anything else I can give my time to. IT’s important not to hurry them or hurry myself past the moments that matter.
- A successfully-launched adult prioritizes spouse and kids over their parents, even if their parents are really great. This is the goal of parenting. Don’t work against this just because you feel left out or overlooked.
- Nothing makes me happier than when all my kids hang out at the same time in the same place, and I to be present for it. When they’re young, it’s critical to foster sibling love and trust so your family actually enjoys one another for a lifetime.
- It’s always and forever important for my husband and me to spend time with each of my kids one-on-one and with each other without the kids. Your children will be secure knowing Mom and Dad are best friends, especially as adults.
- It’s never wise to disparage a friend/significant other/daughter-in-law/son-in-law to your child, even if your child is complaining or sharing negative feelings about them. Listen. Don’t judge. Invite your kids into spiritual responses. Negative judgments always come back to bite you. Focus on your child’s heart.
- Adult kids, as well as little children, need to hear “I’m so proud of you,” “I love you,” “I’m here for you, anytime, for any reason.” Affirmation never gets old.
- With adult kids, flexibility is more important than be prioritized. Be the easy parent. (This is hard and sometimes unfair, but do it anyway.) With young children, flexibility is equally important, just avoid creating a child-centered universe to keep them happy–being the center of everything creates insecurity and anxiety in kids.
- My kids will not parent like I parented, and that’s okay. They’re raising kids in a different age. Truth never changes, but methods do. (When culture changes what’s true, that’s a conversation item. God never changes.)
- Pray for your kids, for their marriages, and for your grandchildren. Start when they’re young and pray continuously and specifically for their whole lives. You won’t know until heaven how much your prayers changed the trajectory of their lives or how many times your prayers protected them.
Leave an inheritance–spiritual, emotional, physical.
I can’t control my adult kids or make their decisions for them. I am not responsible or accountable for their actions.
Remember, parenting is mostly about planting seeds, not harvesting results. The harvest will show up later. It will be generational. I think that’s why God spends so much time in the Bible with historical details and genealogies. He is doing a work we cannot see. God’s harvest is measured in eternal value.
God is not bound by time. He created time for us.
It’s never too late to learn how to be a better parent. But it’s also never too late for God to transform me, my children, or my family. I must lean into God’s promises and let Him do His work. He never stops working. His Word never returns void. He will work things for His glory.
I just have to be faithful with the portion He’s given me to do.
Happy Mother’s Day!
Please leave your mothering advice in the comment section. I’m sure I’ve also missed saying something that needs saying….
